Jeff's POV
by tenjounotora
Summary: Heavy spoilers for season 3! But if you know what's going on, then this is my idea of what Jeff has gone through from his own perspective.


Jeff Tracy didn't know what had happened. There was an explosion and a the next thing he knew he was surrounded by nothing. He had blacked out for a few moments, but there was no way of telling for just how long.

His wrist controller seemed to be malfunctioning so any information he got from it wasn't reliable, even the clock was going a bit crazy.

He had turned to the controls to see what he could find out from the ship itself. Unfortunately not much. He seemed to be locked out of most of the controls—at least anything that dealt with the navigation of the ship. As far as he could tell he was traveling faster than the speed of light, just not how much faster.

That meant at least he was no longer in their solar system, and who knew what direction the ship had taken.

Since the ships controls had locked out any directional control when the light speed engine had been initiated—not that Jeff would have tried to alter the ships trajectory at the speed it was going. That meant his main task was to stop it.

Stopping a ship like this wasn't as easy as hitting a bit red stop button. It had to be done in increments and every second he waited the farther from home the ship took him.

Jeff Tracy was smart, but none of Brains' inventions were anything like this, and without prior experience there was only so much that Jeff could understand. He went through all the systems, searched the database and finally found the procedure manual. As he hoped there was a procedure for an emergency stop. However it would take time to do it, so he got started.

As the ship started to slow down, more of its systems were made available. The most alarming of which was the fuel consumption. The ship hadn't been made for a very long journey—a light year to a designated point and one back—so it only had fuel for that amount, and from the looks of it Jeff would be using just about all of it by the time he got the ship to stop. So if there was any chance of rescue, he'd have to send out a distress call as soon as he could.

Normal communications would never make it to Earth, even with this ship. If it did, how was he to be sure anyone would even hear him. No, he had to try and direct his distress call somewhere else.

Luckily he knew the flight path of one particular ship—the Calypso. It was supposed to be the first ship to reach deep space and had left Earth two years ago. They were to go as far as they could for five years, gather data and then turn around and make their way back home. At their farthest point there was a chance they could intercept a message from him.

But again, they wouldn't be looking for a message, and they'd be too far out to be expecting one from anyone, let alone Jeff.

However, there was something on that ship that would pick up his signal regardless—a robot Brains had gifted to the mission just before it had left. So, he'd need Braman's help for it to work, the message just had to be something a bit more complex to make the robot take attention and act on it.

The Calypso's farthest point looked to be near where he was at the moment, and they would get there in less than three years. That meant that if Jeff sent something now, it could take a year to get there, so he didn't have any time to lose—that was his priority.

It had been tricky. To make sure Braman would get the signal, interpret it properly, and pass it on Jeff had to do some fancy coding—this was John's strong suit, but he had learned a thing or two from his middle son the past few years.

The message was short, but he had made several of them and sent them out. He knew only Brains would be able to get the complete message from Braman so he made sure to let the engineer know who was sending the message.

When the ship finally stopped he was able to start up the sensors and figure out just where he was—just over two and a half light years from Earth it seemed. That wasn't too bad if he only had fuel. There was enough to last him a year at most, but his messages would take at least a year to be received. He wouldn't survive to get rescued at that point, so he needed to find a way to make more energy.

There was plenty of food on this ship. It had been packed for five people for three years—more than what was needed on the assigned mission, but they weren't taking any chances. So he could easily make it stretch out to at least twenty years if he rationed himself well—and if he was there that long, well, he didn't want to think about that quite yet. But there wasn't a good way in his current situation to turn that extra food into fuel.

Jeff would need to find another means of powering it. However, that's where a bit of good luck happened. Having landed in the Ott cloud meant there were particles floating everywhere around him. He'd just have to figure exactly which particles were out there and a way of collecting those particles and turning it into gas.

To do that he'd have to do a bit of studying with what was available on the ship—and see how well he had listened to Brains when he explained how he came up with the fuel for the birds.

There was a lot of experimenting and testing involved. But when he wasn't working on his main task he worked on figuring out just how fast he had gone. It had felt like days to him, yet he had traveled two and a half light years which should have taken him two and a half years.

He brought up the sensors and started to take calculations. This was also John's field of study, but Jeff had learned a few things with his own travels through space. The positions of various stars would tell him how long he'd been traveling and the numbers that came out of it baffled him.

He spent a week going over the numbers again and again, but each time they showed that he had been traveling for just over a year and not the hours it had felt or the two and a half that it should have taken. That meant that he had to have been going almost two times the speed of light.

Nobody had ever gone over the speed of light before. There had been theories as to what happens when one does, but this ship was to the be the first to ever do it. However it seemed that some of the theories were in part true—mainly that time became skewed.

Jeff had liked some of the old time travel movies he'd seen growing up, but had never quite gotten into the study of it. He was a pilot at his core, the science stuff had come second, and this was going a bit beyond his knowledge base.

As he looked through the manual he started to doubt if he could start the ship up, even if he wanted to—there was just too much math he was unfamiliar with and the number of things that could go wrong were adding up.

So he concentrated on fuel for survival. He would also send out more distress calls. Some of them serious, some pleading. It had been months since his arrival and he was starting to feel the isolation.

But finally, after months of experimentation, with just a few months left of fuel he had figured it out. He was now collecting and processing the particles around him and turning it into energy.

When he had started he had no intent to try and fuel the engine, it was just for survival, but having been stuck there alone for months, he was more than willing to try. How effective it would be to fuel a light speed engine he had no idea, but anything was better than just sitting there.

He spent the next few months getting the new energy he had created to work on the ship. It was a close call, but he did it.

He had been sending messages out constantly the past year and now that there was a chance he could make his own way home he could't help but send a fun message, the chorus to sailing, sailing. Why he had picked that song he wasn't sure, but this Jack was going to come home.

It took another half a year to figure out the basics of the engines and more time and test to make sure his new energy would fuel them. But finally it was time to test it it.

He had no idea what was going to happen, but it was a good bet it would be one of three things; He'd either zip back home and celebrate with his family, he'd blow up himself and the ship, or nothing at all would happen.

So with some hope, a few of Jeff Tracy's famous fixes, and some whispered prayer he started the engines.

He'd rather undershoot than overshoot his destination, but if he could at least get into Thunderbird 5's communications range he'd be happy.

He sat patiently in the pilot seat keeping track of the time. He started the shutdown sequence after about thirty-four hours, and brought the ship to a stop.

It felt like it had worked, but when he looked at the sensors he hadn't budged an inch. He clenched his hands and pounded the console hoping it would correct himself and show him that he was in fact back in the solar system. But it didn't and what he could see out of the window only confirmed what the sensor data was showing him.

But it was worse than that. The fact was he had moved, just not in the way he had hoped. He did his calculations again and again. But the results were the same—he had jumped once again in time, by almost four years.

He went over everything again, and the best he could come up with was that he had left the proverbial parking break on.

He gave up on the engine for now. The frustration getting to him. He spent the next several days sitting in various places in the ship with a computer talking to it. Some days he'd talk about what had happened with the engine, some days he'd talk as if he was talking to one of his sons, and some days he spoke as if he was talking to his wife.

Eventually he'd start working on the engines again, but he still continued making videos. If the ship was ever found, at least there'd be something left for his sons, a last word, a piece of advice, or even one last I love you. None of the videos were filed in sequence. Just when he had a thought he'd record it. So they often seemed to cut out randomly, were in various places, and even Jeff was in various states of mind. Some days were harder than others, and he'd been there for over a year by his own clock without any contact with anyone. He did better when he spent time working on the engine or sending out various forms of his SOS signal. The worst days were when he sat and thought too much.

OoOoOo

The camera wobbles a little as it focuses in on Jeff. He clears his throat and takes some deep breaths. "Scott, it's only been a couple of years for me, but probably over seven for you. This isn't how I wanted it to be. I wanted to be there for you and your brothers as long as I could, not disappearing like I did. I'm sorry. I hadn't prepared you enough for what you've had to take on. International Rescue, Tracy Industries—it's a lot of hard work and I'm sure you took it all without question. And your brothers on top of it, though you'd already helped to raise them so maybe that's something that came more second nature to you rather than yet another task to take on. Still, I'm sorry."

The video cuts off, but comes back again. Jeff is at a table, writings and equations on a board behind him as he rubs at his eyes. "Take care of yourself Scott. Let your brothers help you, you don't have to carry the world on your shoulders by yourself. Though I know you'll try, you're like me in that way. You want to do everything yourself, but you do have brothers and they are fine young men, let them help."

Once again the video cuts off and then comes back.

Jeff sits in what looks like one of the bunks. "I still remember the day you were born. It's so vivid as if it were only yesterday. Your mother and I both were excited and scared to death. You were small, dark haired and those bright blue eyes."

There is some wetness to Jeff's eyes, but he just quickly wipes it away and smiles. "I would just sit and stare at you for hours amazed by your existence. Your mother would laugh at me, and sometimes would have to pry you from my arms. It was a couple of weeks after you were born that I first changed your diaper and boy was it stinky. I still say you were the stinkiest among your brothers, not sure why, your mother just laughed laughed at me every time I told her."

In the next clip he's sitting in the cockpit of the ship with the console and the windows behind him so the view could be seen. "I remember when you first tried to fly. You were maybe seven or eight, Virgil right behind you like always. You had made some wings out of a couple of old kites and duct tape. I'm just glad you decided to jump off one of the cars instead of the roof. Though I imagine that was the goal if you hadn't of hurt yourself. You're lucky you had just pulled some muscles and not broken anything. Still couldn't help but be proud of you for your attempt, even though I had to try to act upset."

The video cuts out and when it comes back Jeff is in a pretty dark room, just a small light on off to the side but enough to see his face. He looks tired, his eyes are bloodshot and it looks like he'd been crying a bit. "At this point the probability of seeing you again is quite slim. I can still survive here for quite some time, but I have no clue if any of my messages were received, and if they were, were they intelligible. I'm sure by now I've been considered dead. I hope you boys didn't grieve for too long, but I do hope that you grieved. Not for my own sake, but for yours. I can remember all too well how you all handled it when your mother died. Please don't be as stubborn as you were then. Cry and hug your brothers, and then move on. And whatever happens, know that I am so proud of you, and that I love you."

OoOoOo

Jeff is at the table again, a big swipe through the equations on the board behind him. "Virgil. Keep an eye on Scotty, alright? You know how he can get. Make sure he doesn't try and do everything himself. But don't you even think that you have to do everything yourself either. You're not your brother. Thank God for that, not sure I could handle two Scotts—though Alan was quickly becoming just like him." He laughs a little before the video cuts out.

When it comes back Jeff is in the galley a plate of eggs in front of him. He eats as he talks, smiles quite a bit as well. "Virgil, you are so much like your mother. Kind, gentle. Your love of music an art. I could listen to you play all day, even when you were little and just learning. Your love of music just radiated from you every time you sat down at that piano. I hope you're still playing those songs your mom taught you. Especially to Alan and Gordon—not sure how much they remember her singing to you all." There's a small chuckle and he starts to hum a little, it is one of his favorite songs that his wife used to sing to their sons before the video cuts out.

The video pops back and Jeff is in the cockpit again, stars behind him."If I do get to see you again, I'd like you to draw or paint me a family portrait. You did such a wonderful job on your brothers for the wall, but I don't think you've ever done one of us as a family—at least not since your mother died. You used to draw us all together a lot before then. At the beach, the theme park—I don't think there was a background you didn't use. From stick figures to where the pictures actually started to looked like us, I loved those pictures. Even if I don't make it back, draw one for me, please."

Jeff is back in his room, though not in the bunk this time. The room is lit and and he looks tired, but he is smiling and his eyes are bright. "You were such a chubby baby, but that made holding you in my arms much easier—I wasn't quite as afraid of squishing you like I had been Scott. Of course I couldn't hold you quite a long as I did Scott, mainly because as soon as I picked you up Scott wanted to be held too. So often I'd fall asleep in my chair with you both in my arms."

He chuckles a little. "Maybe I should delete that, might embarrass him."

The video comes back again in a different part of the ship. There are mechanics behind him and some grease on his face. "Remember after John was born—well, not sure how well you remember, but John was almost two and was crawling and siting and starting to play with some of your and Scott's toys and you tried to get him to draw and play the little rainbow xylophone we had. He wasn't interested but you were persistent. But it always ended up the same way, he would crawl away and you'd end up playing with the toy yourself. I think you were disappointed John wasn't interested in drawing and playing music like you were. But that changed when Gordon and Alan were born. They loved to draw like you, and Alan liked music. I remember you were so excited when Alan actually asked you to help him draw something. He was only four I think."

The video comes back and he's once again in the dark of his bunk with just the small light. Again it looks like he was struggling, his eyes are wet and ringed in red. "Each day that passes I fear that I will die here."

There's a pause and the he looks up at the camera serious. "Don't worry though, I'll stick it out till the very end, but I worry about you all."

His face softens again as he continues. "I hope you're still writing music, playing, and painting. Don't let IR get you so occupied those go to the wayside. Take care of your grandma for me—you're her favorite if you hadn't guessed yet. Not sure how you managed that." Jeff laughed a little but it was a weak one. "Take care of everyone like you always do, but most importantly take care of yourself. You and Scott can be very similar in that way sometimes. You worry too much about everyone else. Take time for yourself, paint, draw, play music. Take care of yourself. I love you."

OoOoOo

Jeff is once again in the cockpit with the stars to his back. "I decided to give you this view first. I might show some of the others, but this is especially for you, John, my space head."

Jeff sighs a little his initial smile fades. "The first thing I want to say is to stop. I know you've got scans running in the background of Five. They were never going to find me out here, and there's nothing they're going to do to help you understand what happened. You need to keep Five's processors open for more important things, like your studies. Don't let what happened to me affect where you're looking out here. Keep on your path, and make waves in your field. Show those scholars out there that you don't need to sit in a dusty classroom for eight years to know what you're doing. Lectures were never your thing—though you could probably out lecture almost anyone out there. Just some books, and a telescope, that was all you needed to figure out the universe above us. Keep going, and don't let me get in your way."

The video comes back, still in the cockpit, but from a different angel. "I figured you'd want to see this view in as many angles as I could get you."

He chuckles a little, glancing back at the stars behind him. "You know, you ended up being the perfect combination of me and your mother. You got both our smarts; her love of books and wanting to know about everything, and my willingness to go out and figure it out on my own. Or maybe that's stubbornness, hard to tell sometimes."

He chuckles again a little and looks back at the camera though his smile has faded. "You like to get lost in your books though, and do accidentally isolate yourself from your brothers. Try not to do that too much. Make sure you get your butt down to Earth regularly. Even with the gravity ring, it's still not good for you to be up there all the time. Your brothers need you, especially Alan. He looks up to you, make sure you help guide him."

Jeff is back in the galley again, this time sipping on some soup. He sets his spoon down and holds up a tablet. "Look at this, John. You would love the data the ship has been collecting. I hope they do find it before you die of old age. I'd love to see what you could do with it."

He puts the tablet down and takes another sip of the soup before looking up again."When you were born, your mother and I knew we had created something amazing—and it wasn't just the splash of red hair on the head either. From the moment I first held you I could see the stars in your eyes. I knew you'd be up there doing your thing, whatever it was. You were different from your brothers as well, didn't really like to be held as much. Still ended up with Scott and Virgil on either side of me when I tried to hold you, sometimes you'd sleep, other times it seemed a bit much for you. That was okay, I would still sit and watch you, starstruck you might say." Jeff lets out another chuckle before the video ends.

He's back in the cockpit, another view of the stars behind him. "Remember that first telescope we got you? I think you were six or around that at least. After dinner you would sneak out to the back yard and just lay down in the grass looking at the stars. Figured if you were going to be out there, might as well be able to see stuff better. You were so excited you danced around and jumped up and down. Scott and Virgil just laughed their heads off. You hugged the box for a good thirty minutes before I was able to get it away from you so I could get it out and put it together." Jeff laughs at the memory. "After that you spent every night you could out there with it. You, your books, and your telescope."

Jeff is in his bunk again, it seems he did his worse thinking there, in the middle of the night when he struggled to sleep. "Alan's going to need you. Of course by now he's grown quite a bit, but he adores you and Scott. Make sure he studies, and doesn't spend too much time playing those video games. Help him in space—if he did choose to pilot TB3. But also try to get away from the stars occasionally. Go out with your brothers. Go to a concert with Virgil, or an art museum or something. Go have dinner with Scott. Go—well, I'm not sure what you'd go and do with Gordon, he always seemed to like to push your buttons more than the others—Though Virgil was the next in line when you were MIA. And just spend time with Alan. I can't even begin to tell you what all those little things mean once you're gone. But most importantly take care of yourself. I know you like to be alone, but don't forget that others care about you. We all love you."

OoOoOo

Jeff is back in the galley eating what looks like jello. "Gordon." He goes to take a bite of his small dessert but stops and laughs instead. "What to say to my fish? I'm sure you're doing your best to keep everyone on their toes—you always were good at that—and keeping everyone up beat. I"m sure it was difficult, but they rely on you for your humor even if it doesn't look like they appreciate it—so don't ever stop."

The video comes back and he's at his table again, the board behind him empty. "I know you handled your mother's loss pretty hard. I was quite worried about you. You tend to handle all your upsets the same way. You don't eat and work yourself till you pass out—whether it's swimming or just doing whatever to keep yourself busy. But eventually you do have to face what happened. It's easier to do it sooner than later. John's good to talk to if you just want someone to listen—though I'm sure you're well aware of that. But don't worry your brothers too much. Don't be mad about it, it is what it is, and I know once you've accepted it you'll be okay. Of course you're probably to that point by now, so, maybe ignore this part."

Jeff's in the galley again, this time a drink in his hand and a tablet with some unreadable equations going across it. "I've always loved you for your humor, you know—I like to believe you got that from me, but your mother never quite agreed with that. You definitely got your sense of fashion from me though. Always did try to dress like I did—maybe not my flight jacket or uniform, but when I was home you and I were pretty much twins. I'm glad someone inherited my love of Hawaiian shirts. I know most people say you remind them of your mother—and you do—but there is one thing that is very much like me, our egos. You show it more through your humor, but some of that humor can get quite snarky as well. You have my confidence, and want to prove yourself. You won't stop until you're done—unless it's your homework and it's boring you."

Jeff laughs and takes another drink. "You're just as smart as your brothers, but you were never one to sit down for long periods of time. There was too much fun to be had for that kind of thing. But don't let that ego get the better of you, it can be a bad thing. I almost lost your mother when we were still dating because of it. Luckily she was one to give a guy a second chance." Jeff gives the camera a smile and a wink before it goes black.

Jeff is at the table, the board behind him full of equations. "What to say about you when you were born? Trying to think of something for each of you. But by the time you came we had both gotten the hang of things. There really weren't any surprises—well, except that you had blond hair! We won the hair lottery or something, one kid with each hair color. I think with you I was most excited to see what you'd end up being. Scott was already learning how to fly, Virgil was well into learning to play the piano and draw, and John already had his head in space. But what would this little ray of sunshine want to do. Honestly, water was not my first thought and yet it was perfect."

He's at the small table by the bunks again, a cup of coffee next to his elbow. "The one memory that pops into my head when I think of you, was the first time I took you to the pool. Now you had been in the little wading pool with your brothers at home, but this was the first actual big pool you'd been to. I think you were three or four at the time. Your mother had wondered about swimming lessons since you liked the water so much—you'd spend hours in the bath, the first in and last to get out of the tub—so we thought we'd take you and see what you thought of the full sized thing. Your eyes were as wide as I'd ever seen them. You hadn't seen so much water in one pace ever. I had to grab you before you just jumped right in, but you still squirmed free while I tried to inflate some arm floats and in you went. Scared me to death. But when your head broke the surface and a giggle of pure delight came out, it was like of course, this kid belonged in the water. You started doggie paddling in circles all the while giggling. Even the lifeguards asked how long you'd been swimming and were shocked when I told them this was your first time in anything bigger than the bath tub. You of course got your swimming lessons and well, that was that."

A grin as he takes another sip of his coffee and the video goes black.

Jeff is once again in the bunk, his eyes bloodshot. He obviously has had a really bad night at one point and had made several of the videos at this point. "I'll probably add more before I'm finally gone. For all I know you lot won't even be around when this ship is found. I hope you are though, I hope you get to see these. It may have seemed that I was less than enthusiastic about your grades and your swimming, but that didn't mean that I loved you any less. Heck, even with skipping out on your homework as much as you did and putting off your studying you still had a low A average. Think about how good you could have done if you had studied. But that's something I've said a lot and it has never helped. But it just shows how smart you are. You got As without even trying. When you finally realized what you wanted to study, that it had always been and always would be the ocean all my worries were gone. I knew you would succeed. I knew you'd be okay. I can't even begin to say how proud I am of you. Of you being you. Don't ever stop. You couldn't be any more perfect. I love you."

OoOoOo

When the video comes on, Jeff is in his bunk, his eyes red and wet. " Alan. This is so unfair. I hate it."

There's a hitch in his voice and his hand is covering his face. He stays that way for a moment wiping at his eyes as he moves his hand away. "You lost your mother when you were too young to remember her and now you've lost me before you've even became a teenage. That's not right and it's not fair. You're too young to have to deal with this type of thing. You deserve a normal childhood with your parents and your brothers—not this." He swings his arm and another hitch in his breath. His hand is over his face and he shakes his head before the video goes black.

When the video comes back he is sitting in the cockpit. The camera is facing away from the stars this time, but Jeff is looking off into their distance. "I don't know how much of your mother you remember. Hopefully your brothers fill you in on things when they come up, and I hope you don't feel too jealous of them for having had more time with her, but it's understandable if you do."

He finally looks down at the camera and smiles. "If you boys haven't been through my things yet, there are some photographs of your mother in her jewelry box. A lot of them are with you, you should have them. She had a song about a baby alien she made up and sang to you. I don't know if Virgil ever heard it but you might ask him about it."

The video comes back and he's at the table, more equations on the board behind him and every area covered in notes. "I'm sure you've heard it already, but you were not planned at all. Gordon seemed like a good place to stop, and four was a good even number, but you were meant to be. When I held you that first day, you reminded me of Scott. Those blue eyes, so bright and new to the world. I knew everything from the second Scott had come into this world to when you had was just perfect. This was how it was supposed to be. You were the quietest of your brothers, yes even John cried more than you did. You just watched everything with a bit of a awe. That and the fact that Gordon tended to talk for you quite a bit. But you were a good baby, I held you quite a bit—hadn't done that since Virgil really. Of course you weren't alone, Gordon and sometimes even Virgil would join us for our naps." He smiles as he looks down and then the video ends.

When the video comes up, he is back in the cockpit, this time the stars in view. "I've been thinking on this for days—had a couple videos I've deleted—and I'm still struggling on what to say. I've been trying to think of moments from each of your childhoods that stuck out in my mind, but—"

He sighs and rubs his face a little before pinching the bridge of his nose. "You just didn't have the normality that your brothers did. You were still so young when I moved you all to the island and I was so busy once we were there. Balancing Tracy Industries, getting IR up and going—I wasn't around much. I tried to make sure I was available to you, but when we finally got some more normality and more time, you were off at school. There's really no excuse for it. I'm so sorry, Alan. I wasn't there for you when I should have been and now—."

He covers his face suddenly and shakes his head, the video going black.

The video comes back and he's in his bunk again. He looked better than he had in the first clip but his eyes are still watery and his face blotched with red. "I knew doing your videos would be hard, but I didn't think they'd be this hard. I've redone your videos so much more than the others and admittedly I've cried more trying to do yours as well. I've failed you on so many levels as a father and I doubt there's any way I could make up for it. I'm sure the others were much better fathers than I could have ever been, you're lucky to have brothers like them."

He sniffs and then disappears off screen.

Theres the noise of a blown nose and a few more sniffs before he's back in front of the camera. "I'd like to at least try and be a little bit of a father at the end. I'm not sure if anything I say will help you, I'm sure you've already grown up quite a bit and it's my fault you've had to. But I hope that you'll listen to your brothers—yes, even Gordon, sometimes especially Gordon—they would never steer you wrong. Make sure to follow your dreams, don't think you have to abide by some expectation you think I may have had for you. My only hope is that you lead a happy life. Study hard, play hard, and live hard. Don't regret too much. Have fun and I hope one day you can forgive me."


End file.
